A two month hiatus is long enough, right? Seemingly long enough to get a few things together (myself, included), set my priorities and to clear my mind a bit. Some would call it "writer's block" and I would be led to call it a "creative block", but I don't believe in that. Inspiration is everywhere and most days we are just blind; susceptible to believing we don't have it in us when we do. Within the past two months I've experienced a lot more than expected - some good, a handful of bad, and a lot of plain haziness... tossed in with six seasons of The Office and one too many bags of flaming hot cheetos.
It took weeks to fully reflect and begin the preliminary stages of healing after losing someone close to my heart. I'm led to believe, and thoroughly convinced, that the hardest part about a sudden passing is never being able to say what was needed. For that, I am beyond heartbroken; heartbroken I will never get another chat, laugh or chance to say everything I still had in me. So say it - and say it while you still have the chance. You don't have the people you love forever, even the ones you know to be the strongest.
All I can describe this as is some kind of beautiful mess.
A beautiful mess. It's a mixture of everything, above all things. It's taking loss and turning it into life again. This is healing. It's the odd day when feeling the sun on your skin doesn't burn, when most days you would shy away from the light. It's a Saturday midnight catching up with friends by the bay. Really, this "beautiful mess" can be anything you choose.
It took weeks to fully reflect and begin the preliminary stages of healing after losing someone close to my heart. I'm led to believe, and thoroughly convinced, that the hardest part about a sudden passing is never being able to say what was needed. For that, I am beyond heartbroken; heartbroken I will never get another chat, laugh or chance to say everything I still had in me. So say it - and say it while you still have the chance. You don't have the people you love forever, even the ones you know to be the strongest.
All I can describe this as is some kind of beautiful mess.
A beautiful mess. It's a mixture of everything, above all things. It's taking loss and turning it into life again. This is healing. It's the odd day when feeling the sun on your skin doesn't burn, when most days you would shy away from the light. It's a Saturday midnight catching up with friends by the bay. Really, this "beautiful mess" can be anything you choose.
Above is a little excerpt I contributed to the Local Wolves magazine for their May issue (which you can check out here). Written above is a little reminder that bad days end and better ones come again. Take care of yourself and take care of each other - give what you have to those who need it more than you do.
Through all of this -- I've recently learned that I am the greatest BS-er in the history of all BS-ers, especially when it comes to writing essays. That, and also the fact that everything eventually clears if you choose to let the sun back in.
We're all alright.
x lj
