Ready or not, here I come.
10:26:00 PM
I can't fathom how fast summer flew by. Well, technically it's still summer until the 21st, but the start of classes automatically marks the end in my books. The last two months have been such a blur. Headaches, caffeine and just plain longing. I don't feel like there was any 'winding down' to do at the end of summer because there was simply nothing to wind down from. It was steady and comfortable -- but almost too comfortable for me. Coming forth, I guess the upcoming 10 months are going to be unlike anything I've experienced yet, and to tell you the truth -- I'm a little scared. I don't know how to explain it exactly. It's simultaneously being so young and feeling so old.. but also feeling so young and confused and lost in general, without a single sense of direction.
But do I really want to know where I'm at? Does anyone really know where they are at?
Then again, I don't ever recall a time in my (still young) life when I knew exactly where I was or what exactly I was/am/will be doing. I don't think I'll ever really know where I am or what I want, but who would really want to know anyway? That's okay. Life isn't supposed to be figured out at 17, 28 or even 34 and beyond. Uncertainty is what keeps this whole 'life' thing interesting. Without it, I wouldn't have a reason to see past today.
Then again, I don't ever recall a time in my (still young) life when I knew exactly where I was or what exactly I was/am/will be doing. I don't think I'll ever really know where I am or what I want, but who would really want to know anyway? That's okay. Life isn't supposed to be figured out at 17, 28 or even 34 and beyond. Uncertainty is what keeps this whole 'life' thing interesting. Without it, I wouldn't have a reason to see past today.
I guess what I'm trying to get across is that this is the start of something "new" with the same people, but for the last time. I'm running with it. In 10 months, hell, 10 years from now -- I want to look back and be able to say that I did more than I thought I was capable of. I want to say that I did it all. I want stories of teenage stupidity to share with friends over a bottle of wine in a home of ikea furniture I built myself (because that's what adults do, right?). I want to feel just as young.
So to you (and to myself, I guess) I say, give 'em hell today and every fleeting second after that. I think it could be worth something, even if you don't know where you exactly are in this whole 'life' thing. I don't.
x lj
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