Scatterbrained at its finest, I think.

The last few days have been pretty rough with a terrible dry cough trapped in my chest and a throat that feels like rocks, sandpaper, un-smoothed pavement and like someone dropped a cheese grater down it -- all at once. Sound rough? I've also resorted to breathing from solely my mouth. Yikes.

Today I sat down and rummaged through my blog and read old entries that I had forgotten about completely. It was weird to me. All the trips/adventures/stories/words seemed so long ago and so foreign; I couldn't help but feel a little empty inside. Things were well then, things are still well now... but seemed better then. Does that make any sense? You don't have to agree with me -- because in a way, I don't agree with myself either. I seemed happy then - why am I not as happy now? What's missing? What's different? I think I know; but I don't want to say.

This is my attempt at being "honest", however my definition of "honest" is perceived.

I don't know where I sit right now; a side of anxious and a little bit lost. Always feeling like I need more than what I'm dealt.. Good or bad thing, I'm not quite sure. I need to stay occupied always. I need to live out some sort of creative existence. I need to be around people who share a like mind, just as I need the balance of people who will challenge me - my thoughts, my ideas, everything. You need the 'off' kinds of days to set the good ones apart. You need to feel lost before you are found - if being "found" is your intent. I'm not quite sure if it is mine right now..

I guess what I've been meaning to say is that you need to live for what you have now. You and I are so fortunate to grace this earth another day - I don't see the point in being/feeling anything less than jovial and full of youth and enthusiasm for the days ahead. The only thing that stands in front of you and what you want to achieve, what you want to feel, is ultimately you. These days aren't the worst, I'm sure of it. As long as you have air running through your lungs -- YOU ARE FINE. LIVE. DO SOMETHING. CREATE. Time is limited, you are not.

Not sure what the purpose of this entry was -- there are many written like this, and many more to come; I wouldn't doubt. Hopefully you took something from whatever I wrote.. I think it's important to go off on tangents every once in awhile and write without editing. I'm convinced that it's better that way sometimes. I have a lot to say, you were absolutely right.. And I think I'm going to continue to say it.

I just love writing,

regardless of anyone on the other end of it.

Currently riding the waves of 'I don't care',

x lj