This video was something that pulled a chord somewhere in me that stayed long enough to linger for the entire week. Today marks the 1st year anniversary of the release of 'AMERICAN CANDY' by The Maine; I recall this song as being the first one to really catch my attention, it was the one song I immediately called a favourite -- upbeat, a catchy guitar riff, assertive lyrics.. etc. A year later, I'm still convinced it's one of the strongest songs on the record.. yet, also one of the more overlooked, underrated tracks.

I woke up this morning (like any other), walked straight to the washroom and bestowed in front of me was a mirror and my reflection staring me back in the face. Without makeup. Uneven skin tone. Hair in knots. Lanky arms. Weird bone structure. Retainer in place. Scar on my left eyebrow. Tired eyes. This is my normal; nowhere near perfect. As an aspiring ballerina, I've spent most of my life stationed in front of a mirror, critiquing every single pirouette/grande jeté/pas de chat.. etc. Along with the technical critique, physical criticism doesn't fall far either. Dancers are long and lanky (as mentioned in the music video). I am not long and lanky (except my abnormally long arms). I'm not tall enough. My left leg is shorter than my right; making my right hip noticeably much higher than the left. My flexibility isn't near as good as it should be. My legs aren't toned enough. I'm not as skinny as the next girl. My features aren't that of the classic ballerina.

Despite everything I just said that may have made you think that my life is an actual living nightmare, good doesn't fall very far. All the time I've spent awake is mostly used up on thinking and thinking and more thinking; probably a little over, but I don't always believe that is a bad thing. Thinking and writing go hand in hand - talking doesn't fall far behind. I like to talk. I like to think about something and talk about it with someone... then write about it. I think it's something that is built into a standard writer's mind; to write about everything, quite literally everything, to write in heavy detail. Detail is important - honesty and intricacy is everything; in thinking, talking and writing. Everybody talks, but do they know what they are actually saying?

My friend Hana runs a sick online store of curated vintage clothing [which you can check out here] and I copped this plaid cloak from her last year. And yes -- I am 100% aware I look like a pale, disturbed, 236 year old vampire that hasn't slept or seen sunlight for the entirety of my being. The outside world is strange to a vampire like me.

That's okay. People are strange; as am I.

Pursuing an education is probably one of the biggest things in my life right now. To even begin to describe the amount of pressure I feel is so difficult.. it would be an understatement to only measure it by saying "a lot". I'm sure some of you reading this have felt similarly at some point or can resonate with this whole idea of educational pursuit. Being able to pursue an education is something we disregard so quickly mainly because it's readily accessible to us. It's such a privilege to go to school everyday -- I wish the kids of this and the next and all the following generations would/will know. I wish I would stop complaining about how early my alarm is set for class in the morning; little things like that should be irrelevant. Some will never even get the opportunity. Some will never know what it is like to be able to get to learn like we do.

Who really opened my eyes to this was Ryan Adams. He raised a point about attitude that has always been unforgettable to me. "Man, I gotta get up and do three interviews today, I've got a performance on BBC, then a show...". He then said, "I don't know how it's going to be, but I'm going to have an amazing time doing it. Even if I cannot seem to produce any alchemy, man, I'm going to be in the lab and I'm gonna be mixing all the ingredients. I get to do it. It's so great. I get to do this." The way he started that sentence was "I get to". We get to. We get to learn. We get to have an education. We get the opportunity to do things, yet still, people don't take what is in front of them.